


The Bonds of Family

by EventHorizon



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mpreg, Parentlock, mystrade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 21:00:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EventHorizon/pseuds/EventHorizon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mycroft is very pregnant, Lestrade is very patient... surely their home life is the epitome of harmony...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bonds of Family

      “This simply shall not do.”

      “Oh come on!  That’s the third one…”

      “Then obtaining a fourth should not perturb you significantly.  And, at this point, you should have determined the most expeditious route to the shop and, therefore, shall not take as abysmally long a time as you have on your previous excursions.”

      “What’s wrong with this one?  You said…”

      “Chocolate.”

      “Which it is.”

      “With nuts.”

      “They’re in there.”

      “And caramel.”

      “Whole rivers swimming through it.”

      “And…”

      “And what?  You didn’t ask for anything else.”

      “Precisely my point!  Please take a look in the carton and describe to me its contents.”

Lestrade took the container of ultra-premium ice cream from his very pregnant husband and looked inside.

      “I see everything you asked for.”

      “I did not request chocolate pieces!”

      “Oh… well, I’m sure…”

      “Do not make some ridiculous comment that the addition of these… atrocities… is not a factor affecting the quality and enjoyment of my well-deserved treat.”

      “You wanted chocolate ice cream, love.  This just makes it extra chocolatey.”

      “Philistine.  I have pledged my troth to and carry the child of a philistine.  Let me clarify the situation for you as succinctly as possible.  I desire the flavor of chocolate permeating every bite, hence the base material of a chocolate flavor.  The caramel provides both a salty note, as well as a textural contrast that is very pleasing.  The nuts provide both taste and a toothsome component, however, their particular lipid composition and macromolecular ratio ensure they are not too crisp or… snappy… when you chew upon one.  These unwanted…abominations add no appreciable enhancement of the chocolate flavor and are vile in both texture and mouthfeel.  This sample is inadequate for my needs, therefore you must provide me with another.”

      “Mycroft… I’m tired and the people at the ice cream shop are starting to wonder what I’m doing with the stuff.  Look, I’ll pick out every chocolate piece in there and…”

      “Consuming ice cream that has first been strained through your fingers… what a horrifying idea.  You shall present me with the post-checkup indulgence that you promised and you shall do it now.  If I do not receive my ice cream, crafted to my specifications, I shall be most unhappy.  And when I am unhappy, your child is unhappy and is in no manner reluctant to express his displeasure, which will further sour my mood.  Do you truly wish to pass the evening with me in a further-soured mood, Gregory?”

There was more than a slight chance that would be lethal.

      “No… I’ll be back soon.”

      “Do hurry… I am quite famished.”

      “I’ll get you some biscuits to chew on while you wait.”

      “And some of that lovely chocolate milk.”

      “And some chocolate milk.   Are you sure you’re still going to want chocolate ice cream after that, though?”

Lestrade was very glad it was only a pillow that came rocketing at his head.  This time.

__________

      “Gregory.”

      “Unf.”     

      “Gregory.”

      “Wht gway.”

      “Gregory, you must waken.”

      “Why?”

      “I cannot find a comfortable position in which to sleep.”

      “Thanks for sharing that.”

      “You must remedy the situation.”

      “Do you have any suggestions?”

      “If I did, I would have affected them myself and not continued to suffer discomfort.”

      “Well, you’re the smartest man in the world, so if you’re out of options, what do you expect from me?”

      “I desire a massage.”

      “So you _do_ have a suggestion.”

      “Not one I can implement myself, therefore, you must accommodate me.”

      “You do know it’s 3:00 am, right?”

      “The relevancy of that statement escapes me.”

      “Fine… roll over.”

      “I can only accomplish a partial roll because if I lie fully on my side your child becomes agitated and expresses that agitation with an increased rate and force of kicks applied to the inside of my body.”

      “How come when he’s just rolling around being calm, it’s your baby, but when he’s a raging little monster, he’s mine?”

      “I am simply establishing a link between behavior and parental personalities.”

      “So, I’m a raging little monster.”

      “You _do_ demonstrate more volatility than do I.”

      “Oh… and exactly why did your staff lobby for _and_ get approval for an early leave of absence for you?”

      “Because they were justifiably and affectionately concerned that, with my slightly-advanced age, I should approach this last portion of my pregnancy with as little stress as possible.”

      “They got tired of replacing your mobile because you kept throwing it at their heads!”

      “The fault for that cannot be fully attributed to me.  I made it very clear which fragrances were not to be worn in my presence and which types of foods should be stocked in my personal refrigerator.”

      “You gave a black eye to one poor chap who couldn’t find your olives!”

      “Olives are a necessity of the Empire!”

      “Oh my god… just roll over as far as you can and I’ll… rub what’s available.”

      “I do not like your tone.”

      “Sorry sir, I’ll try to be more dulcet for you, sir.”

      “See that you do.”

__________

      “You ok?”

      “I am perfectly capable of standing in a shower, Gregory.”

      “Then why do you make me come in with you?”

      “Because I require assistance with the washing process.”

      “Then aren’t you lucky that I love to run my hands over all that lovely skin.”

      “All?”

      “Ummmm…. yeah?”

      “All is a very _expansive_ term.”

      “It just means every bit and I love every bit of your skin.  Always have.”

      “Very well, I shall forgive you.”

      “For what?”

      “You are well aware.”

      “Ok… then thank you for forgiving me for the thing I have no bloody clue about, but _should_ so I hope you’ll stretch that forgiveness to cover that bit too.”

      “Since you make such an agreeably-humble request, I shall comply.”

      “Good.  Thanks.  Oh… crap.”

      “Problem.”

      “Nope, just noticing we’re nearly out of the soft soap you like.  Just bought a bottle a little while ago.  Guess I have to start seeing if it comes in larger sizes since we’re going through it faster than usual.”

      “Oh… and why would that be?”

      “Well, because there’s a lot more of you to…”

      “A towel please, Gregory.”

It was a good thing the alert sirens in Lestrade's head couldn't be heard _outside_ his head or a legion of armed personnel would be joining them in the shower in under thirty seconds.

      “I’m so sorry, Mycroft.  Really, I don’t mean that badly.  You know how much I love all of this new you that you’ve got and…”

      “A. Towel. Now.”

      “Sure… anything you want, love.  Just turning off the water and… hold onto the bar… here!  Step out slowly and hold my arm… got your lovely towel and I’ll just… gimme a minute… get you nice and dry and how about I pour you some of that non-alcoholic wine you said wasn’t complete swill and…”

      “I am going to bed.”

      “Oh… good idea!  You must be tired and I can…”

      “Alone.”

      “You mean all night too, don’t you.”

      “The sofa is quite comfortable.”

      “Yeah, even got a blanket and pillow just waiting for me right next to it.”

      “It is good you have learned to be prepared.”

__________

      “I forbid it.”

      “And I’m overruling you.  You may be on baby holiday, but I’m not.  Well, not totally, and I need to go in for a few hours today to tidy up some paperwork.  You’ll be fine and I’m just a phone call away.”

      “In the event of a crisis, I have far more responsive sources of assistance at my fingertips than you.”

      “I love you too, Mycroft.  Now, be good, ok?  No calling an airstrike on Holland or something because the gouda tasted funny last night.”

      “I have already sent several sternly-worded missives to their government on the matter.”

      “Oh, good.  I’m sure they’ll file them with the ones you sent about some of the tulips I bought you having the wrong number of petals.”

      “One must point out issues with quality and consistency whenever possible.”

      “No more computer for you until I get back.”

Lestrade was surprised Mycroft knew how to make that particular gesture and hurried out before it turned into some strange incantation.

      “The computer is too far away to walk to, in any event, you evil man.  However, I have yet to be deprived of my mobile…”

_I am bored.  Entertain me. – MH_

_Where’s Greg – JW_

_Please use punctuation when you speak to me. – MH_

_He’s finally done a runner, hasn’t he? – JW_

_And note the punctuation. – JW_

_Gregory has abandoned me for stacks of paper.  I am discontent with that fact. – MH_

_I know you are.  You only text me when you’re very discontent.  And hormonal. – JW_

_A sense of betrayal is perfectly justified in this situation. – MH_

_There is no need to ascribe other factors to my righteous indignation. – MH_

_You’re about to pop and hormonal.  Take a nap – JW_

_Forgot the punctuation so here’s an extra.. – JW_

_I am not fatigued. – MH_

_Well, I have to work so go bother someone else. – JW_

_Abandoned a second time.  My child enters a cold-hearted family. – MH_

_We’ll bring Thai with us tonight when we visit. – JW_

_And ice cream. – MH_

_Fine. – JW_

_With chocolate sauce. – MH_

_Ok. – JW_

_And olives. – MH_

_I remember from last time. – JW_

_Then you shall keep your head. – MH_

_Thank you, Your Highness. You’re too kind. – JW_

__________

      “My feet ache.  Implement the appropriate protocols.”

      “You want a foot rub.”

      “That is what I said.”

      “In James-Bond-villain speak, yes.”

      “I am suffering horrendous pain as you sit there making witticisms at my predicament!”

      “Now, now… just a case of tired feet.  I’ll make it better.”

      “See that you do and do so quickly.”  

      “Oh, you going somewhere?”

      “No, but I require assistance for another matter once you have finished with my feet.  Though you may begin _while_ you are tending to my feet, if you so choose.”

The Detective Inspector grinned at lovely shade of pink coloring Mycroft’s cheeks.  He was so cute and shy when the pregnancy hormones got all his other hormones active, too…

      “Someone needing a little _special_ attention?”

      “Do not leer at me.”

      “That’s not a leer, that’s my grin of sexual sympathy.”

      “Are you informing me that you are experiencing similar urges?”

      “Always when I’m around you.  Nothing’s changed about that.”

      “Well… then you may begin.  And I shall contribute to our assignation in any way I am able.”

      “I’m sure I’ll  think of something very appropriate.”

      “It is truly one of your greatest skills.”

      “And you love it.”

      “Feet first, then the showering of praises.”

      “Anything for you, Mycroft.”

__________

      “Gregory.”

      “Nodunwanna.”

      “Gregory.”

      “sfuknlte.”

      “Pardon?”

      “I said it’s fucking late.  Please, Mycroft… I‘ve rubbed your back, helped you get up and pee twice, filled you back up with pomegranate juice twice, all on top of working all day and half the night on the nursery because you decided your designer was feeble-minded.  Just one night of sleep, love…”

      “I would be more than willing to accommodate your wishes, Gregory, however, I do not believe your child is as agreeable as me.”

Lestrade cracked one eye and looked over at his husband, who was grimacing down at him from a sitting position in their bed.

      “No.”

      “I would offer, instead, yes.”

      “You’re saying…”

      “There are twinges, Gregory.”

      “Little ones or big ones.”

      “They began small, however, they are increasing both their frequency and intensity at an astonishing rate.”

      “Ok… ok.  We’re ready for this.  Bag packed and by the door…”

      “In the closet.”

      “Ok… in the closet… keys are… where?”

      “There is a car and driver waiting specifically for this moment.”

      “Good. Right.  Call the driver and… where’s my phone?”

      “On the nightstand.  Next to your wallet, your ‘Don’t Forget!’ list, the package of chewing gum that I still do not understand…”

      “Gotta have my gum.”

      “You do not chew gum.”

      “I will now.  Besides, it’s got caffeine in it.”

      “Caffeinated gum… how efficient.  Perhaps I should… oh dear.”

      “Mycroft?”

      “That was decidedly uncomfortable.  Perhaps we may continue our discussion en route?”

      “Yes!  Smart!  On our way.  Let me get my trousers.”

      “You are sleeping in them.”

      “Oh… look at me!  I’m on top of things!”

      “As always, you have my deepest admiration.”

__________

      “YOU ARE NEVER LAYING A HAND ON ME AGAIN!”

      “Just the pain talking, love… but could you let go of my hand for one tiny second?”

      “My agony shall be yours!”

      “Ok… that sounds fair.  But the nurse just wants to…”

      “I shall suffer no more of this indignity!  Cut the beast from me!”

      “Here, nice cool cloth on your gorgeous face… and you were adamant you wanted it the natural way…”

      “YOU BEWITCHED ME INTO SUFFERING THIS TORTURE!”

      “No bewitching… my life would have been much easier if I’d had some witchery to help out.”

      “REPEAT THAT AT YOUR PERIL!”

      “Repeat what?  Didn’t say a word… now, you want to try and walk again?  You feel better when you walk…”

      “AND DROP OUR CHILD ONTO THE GROUND AS IF I WERE LIVESTOCK!”

      “Actually, they don’t just stand there and let their babies…OW!”

      “You were saying?”

      “That you’re totally right… no dropping kids like a horse or something.  Stupid suggestion…”

      “…………… I want to walk.”

      “What a great idea, love.  You’re doing so well with this.  Come on, nice and slow and we’ll see if gravity convinces that baby to make its appearance.”

      “We shall name him Copernicus.”

      “That’s already been scratched off our list… OW!  You know, we’ve got time to rethink things…”

      “Precious little, I hope.”

      “Your mouth to god’s ear.”

      “Pardon me?”

      “And we’re walking… happily walking…”

__________

      “He is absolutely the most beautiful baby in the world, love.  Thank you.  Thank you for our perfect, wonderful, fantastic son.”

      “His resemblance to you is uncanny, my dear.”

      “Me?  Are we looking at the same baby?  He looks just like you.  That sweet nose and look!  He even does the crinkle you and Sherlock do.”

      “Perhaps there is some of me in his visage, however, his eyes, Gregory… he most certainly has your eyes and, though he has no teeth, I am quite certain he will have your smile.”

      “Nah… look at those little lips and that cute pout.  That’s _you_.”

      “I think we have found that our son has kindly decided to be a well-blended mix of both his fathers.  How utterly considerate of him.  Our son is already demonstrating impeccable manners, Gregory; I could not be more proud.  And did you notice he already seems to follow our voices… such an intelligent boy.”

      “So he’s handsome, kicks like me with a football and has your society skills and smarts… we’ve got ourselves a winner.”

      “I heartily agree.  And soon, we shall start on the creation of a playmate for him.”

      “We… we are?”

      “But of course!  I do not wish our children to experience an age disparity such as exists between Sherlock and myself.  And, now that I have experienced it once, I can state that pregnancy is not nearly the chaotic misery it is purported to be.  I am, in fact, quite eager to navigate the process again.”

Lestrade nuzzled his husband’s damp hair and let loose a silent and cosmos-shattering scream.  But, after a long look at his beautiful son and his even more beautiful Mycroft…

      “Me too, love.  As soon as you’re ready, we can start on kid number 2.”

      “Thank you for that, Gregory.  And thank you for being who you are, someone I love so deeply it is beyond my ability to describe.  Thank you for being someone with whom I will provide our children a loving and caring home.”

      “You’re very welcome, Mycroft.  And all of that you said, that goes for me, too.”

      “Excellent.  Now, I find myself parched.  I require a beverage.”

      “I’ll get you some water.”

      “Cold.”

      “Of course.”

      “I would prefer ice with my water.”

      “I’ll find ice.”

      “Crushed.  I am not in the proper frame of mind to suffer the clinking of shards.”

      “I’ll make sure it’s crushed ice.”

      “See that you do.  And I shall gladly repay you for your efforts.”

      “Oh?”

      “The child must sleep at some point.”

      “Right then.  Yes sir. Anything you want.”

      “Now.”

      "Right away sir.”


End file.
